


Light Me Up

by thominho



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell, Fangirl - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow series - Gemma T. Leslie
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, M/M, One Shot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-23 15:32:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6121078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thominho/pseuds/thominho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Simon and Baz's first kiss didn't go quite as planned, infact none of their encounters have ever gone as Baz has planned.<br/>Also, the first thing I have posted so that's cool</p>
            </blockquote>





	Light Me Up

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a few months back after finishing Carry on and it was the first fandom related thing I've ever properly written, it's very short but I didn't want to drag it on for too long x

This class is always the hardest. I swear his voice echoes around my head even louder than it used to. Balling my hands into tight fists, I try my hardest to drown out his voice. I can't muster the strength to ignore him, I push the longing for him to the pit of my empty chest. He has no idea how much this hurts, every time I look at him I want to know how it feels. How it feels, to fall asleep with our limbs intertwined in a messy pile, to feel his warm skin against mine as he slips into the covers beside me at night, to kiss his soft lips whenever I want to, whenever I need to. Ever since I kissed him on that cold night in the woods, he won't look at me the same way. I'd rather have him throwing glares my way than the way he acts towards me now. He looks straight through me, he refuses to talk about what happened and when he does look at me, it's like I'm invisible. I remember the way he shoved me away from him, the way he shouted in my face and asked me "why?" I know I ruined things between us but really, what even was there to ruin? I had been holding up this facade for years, pretending that I despised Simon Snow, when really-he was all I wanted. 

I glare up at the clock on the wall, please hurry up. I don't know if I can force myself to sit here any longer. The tick-tock beats against my ear drums. Crowley, Snow. thanks to you I've become mad. As soon as the bell goes I shove my stool backwards, I force myself into a brisk stride towards the door. This has become a regular occurrence for me- escaping from Simon Snow at any given opportunity. I step outside into the snow-clad courtyard, the frost bites against my skin and the cold wind lashes against my face. I break into a frantic run, the snow sloshing beneath my shoes. I feel it seep down, biting against my toes but I don't care, I run. I run until I reach the middle of the wavering wood, I feel the familiar choked feeling in my throat and the sting against the back of my eyes. I slam my first into the nearest tree over and over, until I see blood staining the ashen bark. How have I become so weak? I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I allow my knees to give out, falling into a weak, crumpled pile on the cold ground.  
"Baz?"  
Great. As soon as I hear his voice I choke away any of my evident emotion, attempting to mask the fact that I've just been beating up a tree. Yep, it sounds ridiculous when I put it that way. With my back turned, I clear my scratchy throat. "Snow.. did you follow me out here?" I ask, refusing to lift my gaze off the ground.  
He bends his neck round, trying to get a clear view of my face, "I saw you running across the courtyard" he lets out an uncertain, breathy laugh. "And well I wanted to see if you were alright, you are alright...aren't you?" He sounds unsure of himself, like he's treading carefully around a bomb that's about to go off. Technically, that’s something I should be doing around him.  
I roll my eyes, gathering any amount of sarcasm I have left lingering. "Well I'm just dandy, Snow" I let out a dry wheeze of a laugh. Has he completely forgotten about last week? Does he not remember when I kissed him in this exact spot?  
"Are you?" he speaks quietly, almost a whisper.  
I exhale, I'm so exhausted. I’m so tired of this.  
"Yes" I sigh "I'm fine".  
"No Baz. You're not okay, you've acted different around me since last week"  
A deep cackle seeps out of me, I see his body shrink away from me in my peripheral vision.  
I turn my body, "Well? Well what do you expect?" I spit out, his face transforms into an uncomfortable grimace. "What do you fucking expect Snow? Do you not remember what we did last week? Because you've been acting like it meant nothing to you ever since".  
Simon tries to stammer out a reply but gives up, he knows what I mean. It's written all over his face. "I don't think you realize how difficult it's been for me ever since we met, it's been so hard Simon. And last week, well I thought things would change but you refuse to even speak to me now, you ignore me and that is so much worse than having to pretend to hate you". I turn around and press my forehead against the crisp bark, I close my eyes and listen to my pulse that seems to be echoing through every part of my body. Sparks light up my skin. I feel his warm palm press against my neck, sending a wave of electricity through my body. Neither of us move, the woods come to an even silence. It's like everything has stopped moving just for us, the birds are still, the wind has come to a rest, the snow no longer falls. He pulls his long, tawny arms around me, his body caves down on me until we become one. Tickling the lobe of my ear, his smoky breath paints patterns with the goose bumps across my pale skin. I let out a weak whimper, why does he make things so tough? He tightens his grip on my waist, spinning me around to face him. I focus my heavy gaze on the ground, I don't trust myself to look at him. Especially right now.  
"Baz" his voice falls to a soft whisper "please look at me". I look up at him- straight away feeling the regret sinking like a brick to the bottom of my chest. He pulls me in, his eyes are sharp electric pools of blue and in this moment- I've never wanted to kiss him more. I lick my lips, studying the freckles that dance across his face, wanting to kiss each and every one of them. I want him to know that I love every single part of him. He sucks in a heavy breath. "I'm really sorry. I'm just so- I'm so sorry". His face falls into a pained expression, and then the words start spilling out. "Last week did mean something to me, it did. I was just scared, things were happening in my mind and I didn't know why and I didn't really know what. It was something that I could've never imagined, but I wanted more " He lowers his gaze and lets out an airy laugh. "I mean, I always thought we were sworn enemies or something, and then you kissed me and fuck. I started to question every single thing that I've ever done to you and you've done to me. It all seemed to click into place. And now, when we're together like this and when you kissed me last week, I just know that it's right. That it's always been right".  
He leans forward, and presses his lips against mine, his whole body moving into the hollow space between us. We fit together, we become whole, and in that moment I know the real reason me and Simon Snow were made roommates all those years ago. I press my lips back against his, as his tender palm cups my cheek. I push my lips down onto his even harder. He pushes back, forcing colours to rush into my vision, dancing, colliding, rushing through my body. We kiss and we kiss and we kiss until there's nothing left of us. Until we are one. As we pull away, both of us left with smiles plastered on our face and slowed breathing, I watch his gaze fall to the bottom of my stomach. I follow and see that he's looking at where my shirts ridden up. He presses his hand to my pale skin, lifting up the hem and letting his hands run across my stomach. I breathe in his warmth. How does he make such a simple gesture feel like everything I've ever wanted. He follows every single detail, every single ripple of my skin, his finger tips drawing intricate spirals through the hollows of my ribs. My skin draws in his heat, it feels like it could combust into flames, go up in a blaze of fire but it doesn’t matter. Yes, I may be flammable but I believe that bursting into flames due to Simon Snow would be a pleasure. He doesn't stop, running his hands across my stomach, down my lower back, up to my shoulders. I exhale, my heavy breath painting clouds in the cold air. His eyes become wild, as he lets his tongue run across the bridge of his lip. I lean forward, leaving my lips to linger on his, I could stay like this forever. I feel him smiling below me, as I let my lips curl into a smile. No, correction. As I let my face break out into the biggest grin. I pull away and lace our fingers together, standing up and pulling him with me. It only just clicked that we've been lying in the snow.  
"I don't think I've ever seen you smile so much, Baz" He rasps, nudging me in the ribs.  
I bite away my smile, "Oh sod off, Snow" I laugh. Then he laughs and we both stand there in the wavering wood, our laughter erupting, bouncing off the trees.


End file.
